The Answer

Have you ever watched the sky burn? It’s something incredible to see what a picture could not do justice.  It might make you wonder what else is out there or give you comfort in knowing that even in the darkest times a sunrise might can take your breath away.

This was the scene as I cruised out into the Pacific Ocean from a small cove at the southern tip of Baja California.  The entire time I remember feeling that if the world could see this scene and appreciate it for what it truly was (meaning more than just a sunset) maybe I wouldn’t be writing this blog… maybe the world would be a friendly place with less hate.  Wishful thinking.  Ying and Yang, good needs evil and vice versa… otherwise there just is and we just are.  So as I was heading out to the Pacific I began to think about how this all began.  How did I start thinking about the world in this way?  When did I start to see a burning sky and not just another sunrise?  When did a sky of red, orange, yellow, purple and blue cause me to feel connected to something greater than anything else?

When I was a freshman in college at SUNY Binghamton I was a lost soul.  I enrolled in business because it seemed like the smartest option, after all if I couldn’t find something that I loved I might have well done something that made me money right?  Nope, it blew.  I didn’t attend class, missed midterms, became best friends with kids who liked to alter their perception and other things of the sort.  It wasn’t until my third semester that things started to turn around.  My first and second semester roommate, Dave, came to live with us in our suite after a mishap with enrollment that left him stranded in Binghamton without classes.  He got a job at a local restaurant and did his best to keep himself afloat and for the time being it worked.  Halfway through the semester I started to lose track of myself.  I was having fun but knew that I was on a self destructive path to nowhere.  I hated how my life revolved around my loss of self control and my feelings of worthlessness.  I wasn’t doing anything with my life and even though I was in college I felt like I made a wrong turn somewhere.  I began to wonder why I was even at this school and realized that it had been my parents that picked it out.  It was the best school that I got into and it would give me the best chance of success upon my graduation.  There was no question in my parents mind that I should have gone there and I didn’t question the idea of getting the upper hand just because of the school that I graduated from. However, you cannot escape a feeling or image of yourself until a better one comes along; no matter how much of an upper hand it will give you. It got to the point where I had planned to leave everything behind and start over somewhere else.  I knew that I wouldn’t find riches or fame but I would be doing my own thing and following my own path.  One night I woke Dave up and asked him about Denver, the place I had decided I would find myself in.  He gave me a brief story of his time there and within the hour we were both asleep.  The next day when I picked him up from work he mentioned he had something he needed to tell me, something that he had never told anyone about because he never knew anyone who needed to hear it.  He told me that the world we live in, the world I was currently in, wasn’t what life really is and definitely isn’t what life’s supposed to be. People define who they are by the things they have and give little thought to their purpose or who they are inside.  Their is so much happiness to be had if you only knew how to achieve it.  I’m being vague so let me explain it in a different way…. We’re all have the power to give ourselves happiness and serenity.  Imagine an endless ocean of light that encompasses all things and is the source of love, knowledge and peace.  It can heal you or give you hope.  It can help you reach goals you never knew possible and can help you answer questions that otherwise couldn’t be answered.  Dave explained that we are blind to the real world because of certain emotions and possessions that we allow to control our lives.  Anger and hate, materials that we consider to be a reflection of ourselves; a sports car we never drive, we just have it because it makes us feel good.  Such things and emotions can keep us from seeing the bigger picture. It keeps you from realizing that the answer to a question you’ve had for a week now was just answered by the guy standing next to you when you’re in line getting a sandwich, or that instead of talking to a loved one you’re screaming because you let your anger get the best of you.  As I sat in the car and listened to Dave speak I felt as if the world just lifted off my shoulders.  I didn’t understand exactly what he was saying but I knew that this was what I needed to hear.  There was such thing as regaining control of your life and not allowing others to manipulate you into someone you’re not.  It is possible to control your emotions and use them in the right way and at the right times.  I’ve learned to manifest feelings of happiness and impart them onto someone who is upset, a stranger who suddenly smiles just because you helped them to.  It’s all a matter of gaining control over yourself and your own energies and using them in different ways. For example, reiki, an ancient form of healing, uses the manipulation of energies to ease pain and suffering.

I haven’t spoken to Dave in some time now but what he showed me as being possible has allowed me to regain my life.  Sure you fall down and devolve every once in a while, that’s normal and shouldn’t be disconcerting, in fact it’s part of the process.  You need to learn how to pick yourself up.  You need not be afraid of failing.  Lose the part of you that identifies with fear or social status.  Just be you.  When you can sit without a single thought going through your head and feel peace inside you’ve won.  Over time, a sunrise will cease to be a sunrise and will become an explosion of energy that paints the spectrum across the sky and you’ll feel it.  The same thing that makes that sunrise is what made you.  It’s a part of you.  We are all connected by something so vast and powerful that once you get a taste of it, you won’t be able to let it go.

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