So here it goes

My name is Robby. I feel like that is a sufficient way to begin my blogging life after all a name is who we are, it defines us.  Have you ever thought about that?  The power your name has is incredible.  The first time you meet someone you see their physical appearance, how they carry themselves, whether they look you in the eyes or at the ground, etc.  Immediately following that you hear their name.  My given name is Robert, I prefer to be called Robby, it’s what I was called when I was younger and today the only people who continue to call me Robby are those who are closest to me.  For years following my teens I chose to be called Rob.  I found it to be older and for a skinny kid who used to get picked on maybe it could bring me out of the Droles and into the common man.  I don’t remember exactly when I grew out of my “older” name; when I stopped defining myself as a name who’s only purpose was to fit in and be an equal.  It must have been around the time I realized who I was and what I wanted. That fateful day over four years ago… but I’ll get to that eventually I’m sure. The point is, to this day some still call me Rob, my employees at work, the last of my high school friends and those I don’t know very well, but to those that matter, Robby it is.  You matter.  If you’re taking the time to read what I have to say, listen to my life experiences and possibly learn from them then to you, I am Robby.

My eyes slant down.  My girlfriend says that’s because I’ve experienced a lot of sadness in my life.  This may be true, I’ve experienced my share of loss and letdowns.  But despite the pain and sadness that comes with these events I’ve always remained faithful (I use the word faithful not to express my religious beliefs because I don’t follow a particular religion. I believe in life, living and love for there is an infinite amount of all three around you at all times). To me there is no reason a truly good person should be taken if not for some greater purpose.  It may sound like wishful thinking to some but when you lose a loved one it’s a lot easier to shut out the world, extinguish the faith inside yourself and blame whomever then to hold onto to those perfect moments you had, remember everything you learned and keep your head up knowing without knowing that there was a reason for it.  One of my favorite quotes is “it’s a lot easier to extinguish the light within yourself then to fight the darkness that surrounds you.”  I could have taken each loss as a personal attack from an infinite source that I could never fight back but instead I realized that there is no way in hell that my grandmother, who only loved and lived her life the best she knew how, died without purpose.  She showed me that love is unconditional.  That there is no other purpose for living then to love.  This lesson wasn’t something that I learned immediately.  There was a stretch of close to 13 years where I almost lost myself, times where I almost made the last decision you’ll ever make, times when I was 6 hours from driving off and leaving everything and everyone I ever knew just because I knew I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.  But I didn’t.  Deep down inside me I knew that there was something out there for me.  And so I waited… for a long ass time… and just before my breaking point I was given the answer I had been searching for for years.

The bottom line is life throws a lot of shit at you.  This is a fact you can do nothing about.  There is no point in playing the victim, no point in placing blame (especially on yourself) and no reason to give up.  Life is a series of lessons, both shitty and beyond amazing yet both equally important.  Don’t expect miracles, just appreciate the little things. I don’t know about you but I’d rather have a life time of perfect little 10 second moments than one or two miracles. And for those seeking your miracles, ask yourself this.  Have you ever sung under the moon?  Have you ever stared in awe at a flower dancing in a breeze?  Ever seen a shooting star followed by a strangers smile?  There are no ordinary moments. There is always beauty.

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